Reviewbyte:Watchmen

The “byte” part referring to the fact that it’s 500 words or less.

**Spoilers**

Director: Jack Snyder
Rating: R

Went to see “Watchmen” w/ Rebecca last night.  Had not read Alan Moore’s graphic novel, which apparently enjoys a sort of cult status among comicophiles.

Movie was okay…was distracted by Silk Spectre’s crappy wig and crappy acting (although didn’t feel that she deserved to end up w/ dorky Nite Owl), Nixon’s lumpy potato of a nose (someone in makeup got a little too carried away) and also Dr. Manahttan’s HUGE, BLUE…head.  Oh yeah, and his dick, which was hanging out all the time.  A metaphor for his disdain for human mores?  Riiight. 9_9  My favorite character was probably the bigot Rorschach, although could have done w/o seeing his unpretty face.

Was totes not surprised that Ozymandias* turned out to be evil; suspected that Dr. Manhattan was in on it though.  How could he not be?  But Dr. M. is apparently stupider than we are led to believe.  HATED the Silk Spectre (original)/Comedian backstory.  They tried to negate an attempted rate w/ a consensual encounter (and therefore make it okay).  What a load of shit.  Also felt v. sorry for Silhouette, esp. as she had the best outfit of the bunch, and resented implication that she “deserved” to be brutally murdered.

Ending was a complete disappointment.  How could Dr. Manhattan let them blow up all the cities??!  That’s just not right!  And then he kills Rorschach to boot!  WTF?  Rorshach has this beautiful line about never compromising principles even in the face of armageddon, and then as a reward he gets splattered all over the snow?  Not cool.  Especially as “world peace” logic was utterly flawed and therefore uncompelling.  Got into a discussion about this on the ride back; pointed out that 9/11 was sort of analogous.  “Did that bring about world peace?” I queried.  “Far from it.”

On second thought, Silk Spectre DOES deserve to be stuck w/ Nite Owl, for refusing to take a stand and letting Rorshach die.

Thought it was hilarious that Moore rewrote history to give America victory in Vietnam.  HAH, the Republicans wish.

Good soundtrack, but anachronistic.  Also, I fear they may have ruined Leonard Cohen’s poignant song by pairing it w/ that cheesy and unappealing love scene (that was like 8 zillion years too long).

Best movie moment:
When Rorschach is in prison and, having just doused some bully w/ burning oil, yells, “You don’t understand; I’m not locked in here with you, YOU’RE locked in here WITH ME.”

Second best:
Montage of events at beginning.  Awesome cinematography and at times v. moving.  Unfortunately had little to do w/ actual movie.  It was all downhill from there, really.

Overall grade: D- (Would have given it a C- if not for the sexism)

Really too bad, b/c I adore 300.

*What an idiotic name, btw.  The Shelley poem was supposed to be IRONIC, people!

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